I Need You
by Utsaah
Summary: Arthur isn't good with emotions so when he finds out that he's pining for Merlin, he doesn't know what to do with them. And when Merlin gets in a car accident, he really starts to realise how much Merlin means to him.


Arthur isn't good with emotions. He blames his father for it, who has been telling him since the age of five that showing emotions isn't good for business. He just nodded and ever since tried his best to mask them, until it eventually became natural to him. That was until he met Merlin and Merlin made him feel confused. He doesn't understand why he want to be with Merlin, because frankly he's quite the dollophead (that name he got by courtesy of Merlin).

Merlin was the last person he had ever expected to be in his life, let alone his future. The temp, now full-time, assistant that his father appointed to him almost three years ago struck him as incompetent, ignorant and rude, and he was just annoyed by the whole guy. But somehow over time, the guy grew on him. Of course he never said such thing to Merlin, because, really, he never had those feelings for another person. Not even his previous boyfriends, how little of them there were.

So, he feels confused. First because why is he so attracted Merlin? And second, why would Merlin want to be with _him _out of all people. He's been told many times before by other people that he's like an emotionless robot, who only likes to please his father and doesn't give a fuck about any other person.

Well, yes. Confusion. Another emotion he doesn't like, nor understands.

And his emotions especially get mumbled up when Merlin tells him that he will leave for one and a half workdays to visit his parents' grave in Wales. Arthur kind of liked to have some time off from Merlin who hasn't stopped taunting him from his desk, which was quite inconveniently placed between his and his father's office, so every time he had to step out or open his door, Merlin was there.

In the beginning, he would love to see Merlin away from his desk because he was just so annoying, but now, three years later, he loved Merlin being away so he could actually concentrate on his work and Merlin wouldn't cause him a hard-on with his presence.

Although, now one day in, Arthur already starts to miss Merlin, which is stupid. He knows that he and Merlin can't be together, surely it would end rather badly. That, however, doesn't take away that he would very much like to be with Merlin. He had been feeling that for a while actually and it's just annoying. Especially when his jealous side (another fucking emotion!) shines through when Gwaine from PR comes up almost daily and _clearly _flirts with _his _Merlin… wait what?

When did Merlin became _his _Merlin?

Sure in the past years they tolerated each other and Merlin was being his friendly self while _he_ was acting coldheartedly (the freaking jackass he is), but Merlin saw through the act. He guesses. It took him up to two years to realise he likes Merlin and has been testing his limits the past weeks,by touching Merlin on the arm or shoulder here and there, or well trying, sort off. To his surprise, Merlin didn't seem to flinch away from it. Merlin would just flash him that pearly white smile that makes him go weak in the knees and then he will ruin the moment again by insulting Merlin one way or another, even when he was the one who caused everything.

Arthur shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. _Emotions_. How do people deal with those? Is there a crash course he could follow, please?

For now, he would just keep his head buried in his work. It were just one and a half days, he could get through that. Yes, just thirty-six hours of Merlinless time… or so he thought. But when it was nine o'clock the following morning, Arthur feels miserable.

When he looks up from his paperwork he gazes at the corner of the desk that he deliberately leaves empty. Normally Merlin would come in with a too sugary coffee for them both and would perch down on that exact same spot with his legs crossed and stirring his coffee for an almost annoying amount of time. He would sum up Arthur's schedule (and leaving out quite a bunch of things, which Arthur finds out later on because he actually learnt to look at his calendar everyday) and would slurp his coffee in an adorable manner… uhm, well, yes adorable.

But now that spot is empty and when he looks up to Merlin's desk, it's occupied by George. Blergh, the shivers travel over his body. George is just so… competent. He would bring him coffee exactly the way he likes and giving him a neatly printed schedule with everything important highlighted. He was nothing like Merlin and it just makes him cringe.

Arthur almost pouts. He wants Merlin back… now.

But he has to wait, just until one o'clock and then Merlin would be back again. And Merlin better be, because his lack of presence was bothering him quite a lot. He couldn't concentrate on anything and didn't even noticed his father popping in until he got smacked over the head. He had been able to concentrate then, only for it to divert just minutes later.

Looking at his watch, he knows he has a meeting in fifteen minutes and his father lectured him for a week about how important that meeting is, so he has to concentrate on that. He needs to put his Merlin feelings aside and concentrate on work related stuff… although, to some degree, Merlin also belongs in that category.

Arthur cracks his neck from left to right, he just has to focus for a few more hours and then Merlin will be at his usual spot again. Just a few hours, that's it. Arthur honestly can't remember when that became something that he looked forward too, it just happened along the way and the unsettling feeling slowly started to settle and he got up to go to the meeting, because he was fully expecting Merlin to be at his own desk when he would come back. Maybe he would even buy Merlin lunch, or would that be weird?

Just ten minutes before one o'clock, Arthur's back but there still wasn't any sign of Merlin. Arthur breathes in deeply, they after all agreed on one o'clock, he would give Merlin a couple of minutes. He settles himself into his office once more and digs out a leaflet from the take-out place from the bottom drawer. Merlin can clear that one up when he's back again, because let's face it; he won't be objecting to a bend over Merlin next to him.

By twenty past one there was still no sign of Merlin and Arthur became nervous. Maybe Merlin wouldn't be coming in at all today, maybe the visit to his parents' grave took a toll on him and he would take the rest of the day off too and come in tomorrow. That would mean that Arthur wouldn't see him for another give or take twelve hours. But surely Merlin would've rung to inform him, but once he checked his phone, there wasn't any kind of message concerning Merlin.

His knees bounced up and down under his desk and he fights the urge to bite his nails… or his bottom lip for that matter. He wasn't going to admit that he was concerned at Merlin's no show, there would be a perfectly normal reason for him not coming.

Of course his phone rang in the middle of his thoughts and without looking at the caller-id he accepted the call. "What!" He bit to the person on the other side.

There wasn't any sound for a moment, but Arthur knew there was someone on the other side. He could hear breathing and a deep swallow, before he finally heard. "Arthur, it's Lance, Merlin's friend. There, erm, there's been an accident."

Arthur was surprised to say that Lance had called him. He has heard Merlin speak about this Lance, but never actually met the guy apart from seeing a picture. His jealousy had flared up until the moment that Merlin said that Lance was as straight as they come and that he was already married with a baby on the way.

Arthur could hear the way that Lance's voice was tightened and the sounds on the background sounded damn much like sirens from ambulances. Arthur could only imagine why Lance would call him about an accident and Arthur hoped to god that it wasn't true.

But that dream soon shattered when he heard the next words.

"Merlin, he's been in a car accident." Lance to let out a sob and Arthur could feel it all the way through his body. "Some manic trucker ignored a red light and -" Lance sighs deeply. "Look, I know you and Merlin aren't exactly, you know. But I thought, as his boss -"

Arthur was glad he was sitting down.

"Where are you?" Arthur asks, cutting Lance off. But as soon as he asked the question, he knew the answer, there's only one place he could be where you would hear sirens after an accident.

"Camelot hospital. I don't know if you will come, I'm sure that you're busy. But –"

"I'll be there in ten minutes." Arthur said with great effort of keeping his emotions in line. His natural actions of keeping every emotion behind a brick wall was slowly starting to crumble down."

"Oh. Okay, I will wait for you in the waiting room."

Arthur hung up while grabbing his car keys and running out the door with a half sort of explanation to George to cancel everything for the day. He ran to the elevators and ignored his father's order to get back here.

**~oOoOo~**

The trip to the hospital was like a blur to him. One moment he was sitting in his car with trembling hands and trying to insert the keys, and the next he was standing in the waiting room, looking around for Lance. He spots him and walks up to him, making demands about Merlin's situation.

He sees that Lance is trying his hardest not to cry, but his eyes look puffy and red and Arthur knows he already did. "I probably shouldn't be saying this," Lance sniffs through his nose. "The reason I called you, is because Merlin… he likes you, and I think," Lance swallows, "That you like him back. He needs you."

Arthur doesn't know where this is suddenly coming from, but it doesn't matter, because Merlin likes him back and that's all that matters.

"I – yes." Arthur breathes out and plops down on a hard plastic chair.

"Where is he?"

"Nurses don't tell me much, but it's bad." Lance says and takes the seat next to Arthur. Arthur doesn't know who from the two of them is looking more miserable. "The last thing they told me was that they are prepping him for surgery."

Arthur's heart feels like it just shattered in a million pieces. To hear that Merlin is still alive is the most important thing, but to hear that a surgery is needed makes his chest tighten. He just wants to see Merlin before surgery, to tell him how much he means to him, to actually allow himself to pour out his feelings towards Merlin, because what if -. No, Merlin will pull through.

He looks at his left to see Lance sitting there miserably and he wants to ask more about Merlin's situation, but Lance probably knows as much as he knows and he can only wait.

Minutes seems to tick by ever so slowly and Arthur is about to barge towards one of the receptionists to demand an update on Merlin's surgery, but he stays seated when he feels Lance's hand on his arm and receives a comforting smile. Arthur calms, there is no point in buggering the staff who probably don't even know what's going on in the operating rooms.

Some time later, more friends of Merlin (or so Arthur assumes) arrive and Lance hugs them all and tells them the same thing as he told Arthur. They all have the same expression on their face when he tells them that this is Arthur and Arthur wonders if he has missed something, but doesn't voice his thoughts as they are far too occupied with Merlin's well-being.

He finds out that Lance has a very calming presence about him and it's reassuring him. Arthur knows that he doesn't have to hide his feelings from him and it's liberating, but he still doesn't trust those other people now sitting around him. He's sure they all love and care for Merlin, but it isn't the same as with him, so he still keeps his feeling in.

The time spending sitting there makes his thoughts reel. He doesn't know what he would do if Merlin won't be surviving this. He can't imagine a life without Merlin, he needs him, needs him to be able to breathe and only now he really understands what the meanings are behind his emotions; he's utterly and completely in love with the idiot. These past three years were going by him in a blur because he wouldn't let himself feel, but now everything has changed and he can't ignore it anymore. He loves Merlin and Merlin has to pull through so he can personally tell him that.

And to know that scares him more than he'd ever thought it could. Arthur has lost his mother on a young age, but at least he was able to tell her that he loved her. And right now he might not be able to and he's not sure if he could ever forgive himself if Merlin dies without ever knowing that he loves him back.

But Arthur knows that telling Merlin that will be more difficult that he imagines now. He's never been good with personal feelings and especially about voicing those feelings. He wishes he was like Merlin at that point, who never seems to have any problems on that field. Merlin can connect with every single person that comes by, while he struggles with every meeting.

Although, he has been spending the past weeks watching Merlin, he never has picked up on the fact that Merlin feels the same thing for him as he does for Merlin, but maybe that's because he was too busy ignoring his feelings for so long.

And then his thoughts are cut short when a doctor in scrubs appears before him, telling him the news that he has been waiting for. His face looks grim and Arthur thinks that he is about to tell the group that Merlin has died and that would be unacceptable!

He listens carefully to what the doctor has to say, and tries to keep his thumbnail away from his mouth.

"Merlin is in recovery now." The doctors says, her face is still not looking optimistic. "We had to do some repairs, and there was internal bleeding, but we managed to stop it. He's stable now." Arthur feels himself actually shaking, it might be the shock finally coming through. The doctor hold him at his shoulders and tells him to breath and it helps. She asks him if she wants to see him, but he doesn't know the answer to that.

The group insists that Arthur should see him first and to some degree he feels guilty, but at the same time he wouldn't know if he could manage to sit there any longer when knowing that Merlin is somewhere in this hospital resting. He finally gives a nod to the doctor who supports him in getting up from the chair.

He's being lead through several halls of the hospital and Arthur feels his emotions on a high after finally allowing them to shine through. He is now anxious to see Merlin and wanting to protect him at all costs.

His phone rings again and Arthur turns it off when he sees it's his father calling for the umpteenth time. They stop in front of a door and Arthur sees Merlin's name on the folder next to the door. He has years of training in keeping a hold onto himself, or he would definitely barge into that room without warning.

The doctor has turned to him and given him some instructions and telling him to not be scared by all the tubes and noises before she opens the door for him and he walks in. The door shuts behind him and he's now watching at the figure lying in the bed that looks far too big.

Arthur would think that Merlin was dead by how still he was lying, but the loud beeping of the machines next to him told him that Merlin was very much alive. Arthur breathes deeply and stills his fidgeting hands before he walks further in the dimly lightened room and sits down on the seat next to the bed. Merlin is sleeping, but Arthur wishes he was awake. He needed to see with his own eyes that Merlin was okay. Standing so close to Merlin now, makes his able to see him clearly. Merlin has been dressed in an hospital gown and there are bruises all over his face and neck and probably on his torso, but the gown prevents him from seeing further. His left arm is plastered and two fingers of the same arm are splinted together.

He doesn't know how long he had been staring at Merlin, but one moment Lance is there at his side and pulls up another chair and grabs Merlin's hand into his own. They don't say anything, but Arthur can feel how much the other man cares about Merlin. He just wishes that he would be able to reach out and hold Merlin's hand into his own, but it would feel all too real when he would do that.

He can hear Lance murmuring to Merlin and knows that if he could just concentrate, he could understand what he's saying, but Arthur was in no state to concentrate. Everything around him was put in the background and his eyes were trained on Merlin and only Merlin. He watches every rise and fall of Merlin's chest and counts on exactly how many seconds pass between each one. He's still afraid that Merlin could stop breathing any moment and that wasn't something that Arthur would allow.

**~oOoOo~**

Merlin's friends came and went, but he stayed. He stayed the night even though the nurses were protesting. The only way he would be leaving Merlin's side would be when they will be sedating him enough to physically carry his body out of the room. In the end they gave up and let Arthur stay.

It takes Merlin almost a full day to wake up. Arthur is first to notice that Merlin's eyelids are twitching and he hold his breath and leans forward. He reaches his hand out, but retracts it before he's able to touch Merlin. He's just not ready for that. He keeps staring at Merlin and finally, after what seems like an hour, Merlin's eyes flutter open and he groans.

"Merlin." Arthur breathes out in a sigh and he's not even aware that he has said it.

Merlin blinks a few more time more and then turns his head to Arthur's directions and just gives him a tired smile "Hey, dollophead." Arthur smiles but that smile falls when he sees Merlin going into a coughing fit. Arthur looks around him for a cup and fills it with water. He holds it out in front of Merlin and helps him sip some of it when Merlin appears to be too weak to lift his hand. The whole time his eyes are trained on Merlin and he nearly jumps when Merlin's eyes lock with his.

"How are you feeling?" Arthur asks when he put the cup down and takes his seat. He could slap himself on the head, of course Merlin wouldn't be feeling good or fine he has been just in a major car accident that nearly cost him his life. Arthur looks down at the ground but looks up when he hears a small chuckle and frowns when Merlin is watching at him so intensely.

"Honest? I feel like I've been hit by a truck." Merlin had that same twinkle in his eyes whenever he was being sarcastic or telling a joke and Arthur felt relieved by that sight, even when Merlin told such an unfortunate joke but he would ignore that right now, he just stared at Merlin's smile and he would do something that he normally would never do. Arthur stood up and placed a gentle hand on Merlin's cheek and Merlin's smile immediately disappeared and his eyes widened just slightly. Arthur ignored it and leaned it closer and pressed his lips ever so gently against Merlin's, revelling the feeling and he didn't want to part ever again.

And when Arthur pulls away he leaves his hand on Merlin' cheek. Merlin remained staring up at him with wide eyes.

"I love you." Arthur whispers, because there are just no other words to describe what he's feeling. He wasn't expecting any reaction from Merlin, but when he sees Merlin flash him that beautiful smile he's feeling completely happy.

"I have waited so long to hear those words from you." Merlin reaches out to bring Arthur back for another kiss and Arthur feels happier than he has been feeling those past years. He now has an actual confirmation that Merlin loves him just as much as he loves him.

**THE END.**


End file.
